Saw a cute little movie, "Ten Things I Hate About You." A kind of modern teen age Taming of the Shrew. Nice snappy dialogue good enough to capture Les's interest and get him to watch it with me til midnight. Warm snuggles and sappy movies...ummmmm.

Anyway, title started me thinking and as I have not finished my 10 rules for dating to give to our daughters one day...

These have developed over time in response to my relationships, both good and bad. Here are my ten things I hate to find in another person...no particular order.

1)Emotional isolationism-You know either being emotionally remote or just not in touch with your own emotions and beliefs. I think this one is at the root of most of the rest of the list and responsible for a good deal of conflict in relationships. You do not have to share everything...often better if you don't. But good grief! Know how you feel about most things and know yourself well enough to sense your reactions and motivations. Saves a lot of grief in the long run for you and the people you love.

2)Insincerity-Know what you believe and believe what you say. This does not mean you can say what you want (see later entries) it means you know yourself well enough to know your counsel and how to offer it in a consistent way. I think insincerity is also closely linked with inconsistency and ambiguity...also two things that hinder me appreciating someone.

3)Lack of conviction-I don't have to believe as you do but I really need to know that you believe. Conviction is the link between mind, heart and spirit. How do you live if you have no foundation in truths?

4)Arrogance-I have a favorite saying I learned from Niobe, "Never be wrong in your rightness." My codicil to that is "If you are ever feeling 100% right you are probably just feeling 100% arrogant." Arrogance leads to poor choices like exclusion and disdain the hallmarks of a lack of charity. It is also a favorite defense mechanism of those of us with poor self-confidence. It leads to assumptions without validation.

5)Impudence-While I respect someone who stands with conviction without standing on someone else, there is a fine line between "having big ones" and showing your behind. Impudent people make some amazing presumptions (like thinking just because they like to give back rubs that Anne really wants them to give her one! sorry, that is a separate rant!)

6)Infidelity-also a continuum and includes just basic disloyalty. Do not make a personal bond with me and then break faith. Major no-no and almost inpossible to overcome. Infidelity is not about sex it is about making a vow and then somehow rationalizing finding yourself in bed with another person without having changed the working agreement with your vow partner. That is just cheap, selfish and taking the short term easy way.

7)Spitefulness-Is that a word? What makes people choose to go there? I always think there must be a heavy scar in their life that would make you go for the jugular for any perceived insult or hurt. I do not have time in my life for spiteful people.

8)Pretention-How do people get to the point that they believe their humanity is more valuable than another's because of things or acts?

9)Humorlessless-Life is ridiculous. In my life there are often times when it is laugh or cry. The best times are when I can choose to laugh. After all, I have a Bachelor's Degree that enables me to (among other things) know 30 words to assess feces. That is laughable!

10)Faithlessness-Pessimists bring the world down. Have a little faith, truly...for God's sake. I cannot live looking at the empty half of the glass.