This weekend was a study in contrasts. I think of one family enjoying the SCA fulfillment of an SCA Peerage and another grieving the loss of a husband and father.

While death and grief are a part of all of our lives, many who come to work here in our hospital have not yet had personal experiences and others are still processing one or more personal losses. I have taken to working with one of the Chaplains to offer a workshop on Grief so that we can understand our own processes to allow us to be better prepared in the presence of grief with others.

One of the topics the chaplain always brings up is that of Disenfranchised Grief. There are several ways in which society suppresses expressions of grief in certain circumstances. You just "don't talk about it" in those instances. Cancer used to be one of these. Education has changed that but for our generation we have chosen to disenfranchise deaths from AIDs. Deaths from drug overdose and suicide are also disenfranchised as are the expressions of grief of non-traditional couples. There are many other disenfranchised losses because there are relationships, types of losses and even some people in grief that carry societal baggage. I remember someone "consoling" me after a miscarraige with the statement, "It wasn't like it was a baby yet."

Expressions of sympathy are hard in any case. But for the individuals who have suffered disenfranchised loss, they suffer an additional layer of grief. All of the emotional responses of grief are present (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance) but have limited outlets.

So today, I am praying for a man and a family. I am praying for grace to not be one who disenfranchises this loss or those who grieve it.

Rest in Peace