OK, so this is not about any organ function particular to my gender so you need not be afraid...it is though about being what some might call a "Girlie girl" and a "Feeler." Both of which can be said with a tender smile of amusement and acceptance...or with the snide condescension and patrony of a slur.

Today, I broke down and cried at work. Thankfully, after my office mate left and for many many reasons. First, out of fatigue and then out of frustration and then more tears from the anger and frustration from having had tears as a reaction.

I was holding out for February to be over when I found out that March and April were being usurped for a purpose not originally on my calendar....moving calendar items to May and June won't work. Expectations born with the creation of the third education position (as yet unfilled) are still expected. How long will it take to figure out that I can't create programs, run the ones I have, bolster my co-worker and respond to issues in the moment?

Evidently, longer.

I work with some amazing people. I also work with some incredibly lazy, uncreative, negative, finger pointing women.

So today I cried. Like a girl not like a woman of almost 45 years. I felt trapped and unappreciated like I have not for some time. I will not be at the school tonight with Christie...nor will I be sewing an outfit for KASF. I will be here by myself completing tasks.

And no, my co-worker and the unit managers are not here late.

The tears are all gone and I am left with that sad empty feeling that always leads me to quiet time and prayer for healing, patience, compassion and grace. I guess that is the difference between the tears of a girl and those of a woman.

So, I will seek that time...

Right after I finish work...

And connect with my husband and kids.

Just the thought brings peace.