Wrong in Rightness
2003-05-26 - 10:45 a.m.

"Don't be wrong in your rightness," advice overheard from a friend to her children that really struck home for me. For a person torn between confidence in some areas and deep seated insecurity in others, it has become a mantra to live by.

I think most everyone has some level of self-importance or arrogance. We all need to be right and are more or less strident about it depending on our upbringing and the swirling events and stresses of our current lives.

The key is to know how far to push rightness before it becomes wrong. Every conflict has some flavor of this from at least one point of view. To live through conflict and grow it has been essential for me to be able to examine my actions and know where I could have made better decisions and release the decisions of others for them to worry about. If I expect you to respect when I disagree with you then I must respect when you disagree with me. Relating is reciprocal

I find myself more empowered and therefore less strident. I am more aware of when I dial up and how to dial back down. I am better at relaxing and hearing so that I can react after I have checked my perceptions. I tap dance in my living room and check my response with Les, Nia, Cym or Sue before I respond. My friends forgive how often I say, "Does that make sense?" I screw up less and therefore have to apologize less. Still, seldom easy for me but geting better with practice.

I am less good at releasing things as my tendency now is to over-examine. Still, I can live with that better than knowing that I allowed my emotions to get the better of me. I think better of myself for that reaction.

I am a work in progress....which means I have to work to make progress.

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