Today is the forty-third anniversary of my birth. I often remarked how I could almost forget how old I am if it were not for the reminder of having given birth to two obviously growing up women.

So, reflecting on what I have learned in 43 years, a separate list:

I am so very proud to have been born in the South. We have our warts: we learn to be passive aggressive women from birth, we have huge bugs and terrible humidity, we grow too much tobacco and care too little about public health and our economy grew rooted in slavery. So, why am I proud? We know who we are and often who you (our neighbors) are. We respect our elders. We have beautiful grounding traditions. We are expected to hide our human frailties and "act like a lady." Yes, there is beauty and sweetness in a Southern upbringing.

My Momma did not know everything about what I needed but she tried as best she could. Yes, I (like everyone) have scars from Childhood wounds. No, my Mom had no idea really what made me tick and how to love me through my foibles but she tried hard to rear five kids the best she could....my job as a woman has been to move past that. To try to sooth my soul and turn to others, to give to our next generation more of the good and less of the bad and to teach them to do the same. To forgive and move on.

Some folks cannot be trusted. I have learned that few people need to or even can understand you-be in your true inner circle. Letting people in does not always improve your relationship; sometimes, you just get hurt. It is not only okay but essential to have parts of you that are reserved for intimates. It is best to hope for more but expect less from other people. Far less disappointing when you can celebrate "success."

The "Enjolie" woman from the 70's perfume commercial is a lie. Growing up is hard. A career is hard. Maintaining a love marriage is hard and so is rearing children. So, forget being able to "Bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan and never let him forget he's a man." Cause your a woman, for God's sake! Not a friggin' Saint or Miracle Worker!

I am blessed to have been fulfilled as a woman by all three: 1)Friends and mentors who have made my "growing up" a continuing process long after my childhood 2)patients and colleagues; phenomenal saves as well as being present for people's transitions into and out of life; preparing some of the best in the next generation. 3)Falling in love over and over again with the best man I have ever known and then having the added blessing of two great daughters. This part of my life is always 95% fairy tale.

It is okay to need time for yourself. I love to have time when there are no expectations. Just me, maybe one friend (you know who you are). This woman can not recharge her battery in public.

I am not yet who I want to be but who I am is not so bad. I am no longer young, certainly not as beautiful on the outside but so much happier with the woman on the inside. I have wisdom and integrity, compassion and humor and I know that I am blessed.

Happy Birthday, Ann