Life as a Shelton....

When we first got married, I was the first Shelton inlaw in about 25 years. Yep, no road maps there. They were a tight little band. Les has a brother and sister, one maternal uncle, one paternal aunt, two cousins, at that time two grandmoms and a paternal great aunt and uncle. That's it. Me, I have four sibs and 35 first cousins. Don't even look at the other generations.

I can remember not even being able to clear the table or wash dishes at holidays. "That's okay, we know how it needs to be done."

My stock went up in this small and loyal band when I reproduced. You know, an heiress and a sparess. :-) Still, even after his brother married and had children there was a picture at my nephew's christening for "Just the Sheltons." blood that is.

Overtime as our marriage grew and they got to know me and my love for Les and our children, the family loop expanded. I remember the first time I was allowed to clear and do dishes. Ah, belonging!

We had our traditional lunch Easter with Leslie's mom and dad. Got some disturbing news. At lunch she casually states that she will begin "experimental treatment" next week. In answer to our raised eyebrows she says, "well you know I haven't been receiving treatments since Feb as they no longer work for me." (No, we did not know.) She was diagnosed and began treatment about two years ago. She is intensely private about her condition and does not discuss it much with with us. So much so that we did not know she had surgery til the next day. I went to be with her at the hospital the next day. Not because she wanted me but because I needed to be there for Les's comfort and mine. I remember then making small gestures of help within her comfort level and how it was like allowing me to wash dishes. Another right of passage. Very challenging for us but we have worked through our needs to a place where we can honor her wishes. We gave up so much, NEED TO KNOW and in its place we chose NEED TO HONOR. Even now, we do not know her true condition or prognosis. We remain hopeful and focused on our lives with her.

The problem is that while we focus on living her life as she wishes, I feel I must begin to gently prepare our children and indeed my husband and I. We live in the same town, our daughters are the first grands. They barely knew my folks as my parents died when they were both small. It was sad then. Now, they are old enough to anticipate pain. I watched there faces in the rearview mirror as we drove from the club to his parents'. Yes, there was the pain and the confusion. We talked about her choice to live in the moment and that none of us know the number of moments left in any of our lives. We cannot waste those moments.

The hardest part of being the middle generation is being in the middle. Finding the balance between honoring this beautiful woman and her marriage and staying faithful to what my husband and daughters need. I am thankful that I have lived through the loss of my parents and all the losses I have witnessed in my career. I am thankful for an empathetic heart so I can watch for their pain they are fearful to express.

I am thankful for his Mom. She is a true Southern Lady. Yes, a steel magnolia. Gentility personified and such a role model for me. Yet practical and intense when needed. Always put together, always correct. I admire her, I honor her and I love her.

She's never asked for anything, just this...to take the lead on this.

So, somehow, this woman who was not reared a Shelton will find a way to keep these needs balanced and honor the people I love so much. For all our sakes.